When to Consider Another Pet

Peter Poses, PhD

One of the most commonly asked question following the death of an animal companion is, "When will I know when it's time to get a new companion?" This is a good question to ask, particularly before the new animal is acquired. In most cases, once an animal lover, always an animal lover. Unless your material, social or health situation has radically changed, there is a great chance that you'll acquire another critter.

Here are some guidelines to follow. If you find yourself wondering about a "replacement" animal then you are not ready. Every animal and human-animal bond is unique. It cannot by its very nature be replaced or duplicated. It just is not possible to clone the lost relationship. Instead, a new bond must be created.

This means one must complete one's grieving before welcoming a new being into one's life. Basically, that entails feeling the whole spectrum: shock, numbness, anger, anxiety, sadness and finally acceptance. One way to self-assess whether or not this process has been completed is to be aware of whether or not one is experiencing the following thoughts:

• "I am very much missing Chinook."
• "Even now, it is painful to recall my memories, and to hear other people recall Smokey."
• "I often think about Snowball."
• "I hide my tears and feelings when I think about or am reminded of Meiko."
• "I am unable to accept the death of Mr. Green."

An affirmative response to one or more of these statements is strongly indicative of unresolved grief. This is a glaring statement that one is not ready yet to move on to a new attachment. One cannot climb a ladder without letting go of the rung below.

Additional questions which can be asked in order to get a clear picture about whether your bereavement is complete include:

• Are you getting your next animal because you feel guilty?
• Are you getting your new animal because your grief is too painful?
• Are you afraid of getting another animal because it will die too?

A time for mourning is necessary. How long should that time be? Again, that's unique to your situation. Unfortunately, there are no formulas. If you have any doubts, it is best to wait. Talk to family members, friends, co-workers, or visit your local pet loss support group if you're fortunate enough to have one available. If not, there are probably grief counselors in your community, and there is information at the public library or bookstore.

Remember to ask, "Can I warmly and fully embrace my new-found pet if my arms are still wrapped around my lost one?"