Our Living Diary
Peter Poses, PhD
One often-ignored loss that we suffer when our companion animals die is the loss of a living documentarian. Our pets have been there in our lives through thick and thin. They have experienced us at our most humane (at our best), and at our most hurtful (at our worst) and all points in between. They have attended to us as we celebrated our accomplishments, and they have hung in there as we suffered our failures. Few, if any, other critters, human or otherwise, have this honor and privilege.
Our animal companions have served, whether we have been aware of it or not, as a living diary. People who keep diaries or journals know exactly what I am writing about. They know how healthily dependent they are on the daily, weekly, or monthly entries and the act of sharing with the pages. Mental health is dependent on those private moments of self-conscious solitude. The diary is a source of well-being. It would be a tremendous loss for them not to have those entries.
In effect, one's pet becomes one's confidante -- not just a diary but a living diary. He gives us unconditional acceptance and non-judgementalism, allowing us complete confidence and trust in him. He also gives us validation. This is the ultimate we can ask for and receive. We tell our pets the stories that nobody else ever hears. In return, they ask for nothing. They look into our eyes, giving us their complete and undivided attention; they lick or stroke our faces or chirp, purr, or pant happily. And we feel embraced and comforted and secure that we'll never be hurt, exploited or undignified for what we just shared.
That loss of a record is part of the grief that the human companion of an animal feels when his pet dies. So, along with the death of a dear animal friend comes the loss of this remarkable and unique witness. After all, it is a critical aspect of our living that we have been witnessed, and been visible to others. Many of us have felt the pain of invisibility at one time or another.
One of the only beings to have experienced this exposure and the accompanying vulnerability has been our companion animal. Painfully for us, with the death of a pet, we suffer this other loss as well. Thus, there will be some time period when we are at risk for not feeling visible. For some people, this is a scary prospect indeed.
This article is courtesy of the Pet Loss Support Group of the Denver Area Veterinary Medical Society.
Peter Poses, PhD
One often-ignored loss that we suffer when our companion animals die is the loss of a living documentarian. Our pets have been there in our lives through thick and thin. They have experienced us at our most humane (at our best), and at our most hurtful (at our worst) and all points in between. They have attended to us as we celebrated our accomplishments, and they have hung in there as we suffered our failures. Few, if any, other critters, human or otherwise, have this honor and privilege.
Our animal companions have served, whether we have been aware of it or not, as a living diary. People who keep diaries or journals know exactly what I am writing about. They know how healthily dependent they are on the daily, weekly, or monthly entries and the act of sharing with the pages. Mental health is dependent on those private moments of self-conscious solitude. The diary is a source of well-being. It would be a tremendous loss for them not to have those entries.
In effect, one's pet becomes one's confidante -- not just a diary but a living diary. He gives us unconditional acceptance and non-judgementalism, allowing us complete confidence and trust in him. He also gives us validation. This is the ultimate we can ask for and receive. We tell our pets the stories that nobody else ever hears. In return, they ask for nothing. They look into our eyes, giving us their complete and undivided attention; they lick or stroke our faces or chirp, purr, or pant happily. And we feel embraced and comforted and secure that we'll never be hurt, exploited or undignified for what we just shared.
That loss of a record is part of the grief that the human companion of an animal feels when his pet dies. So, along with the death of a dear animal friend comes the loss of this remarkable and unique witness. After all, it is a critical aspect of our living that we have been witnessed, and been visible to others. Many of us have felt the pain of invisibility at one time or another.
One of the only beings to have experienced this exposure and the accompanying vulnerability has been our companion animal. Painfully for us, with the death of a pet, we suffer this other loss as well. Thus, there will be some time period when we are at risk for not feeling visible. For some people, this is a scary prospect indeed.
This article is courtesy of the Pet Loss Support Group of the Denver Area Veterinary Medical Society.
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